Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Baby C Update

Well, I am still pregnant, as big as a freaking whale, and tired as all get out!!
Other than that, everything is right on track and seems to be great. Next Wednesday is my last 2 week appointment, then I start going every week. My official delivery date is 4 weeks from tomorrow. His heartbeat is strong. He is movin' and shakin' in there!
I have definitely come to the conclusion that God has a sense of humor. HAHA, lets make it take 40 weeks to grow a baby! I am OVER it! I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. But I don't think I am ready for the next phase-staying up all night and balancing life with 3 kiddos. I am really not doing a very good job with 2 these days.
We have gotten everything out of the attic. I just need to get it all washed up. Clothes are ready to go. I am finalizing my list of things needed, all though it is short. Everything else that has to be done, I am leaving for mom (sorry mom-hope you didn't think you were getting a break)! The biggest thing left to do is meet him and name him. That part may cause a divorce. The naming, not the meeting. We are nowhere near an agreement or even compromise. In fact, if we talk about it, we usually end up not speaking!
I am a procrastinator by nature, so I am finally getting busy with my projects. I have cleaned out cabinets and closets.I have been trying to complete my Christmas shopping. I am making lists of lots of stuff that I need to help organize my house. It's like I am expecting guests. I cannot bring another person into this life, this house, and not be in control. I feel like I have not had it together since I moved in here. And that is probably because I moved in when I was 9 months pregnant with Colton. Plus I am feeling like I need to get my Christmas decorations up before I deliver, otherwise it will either go up to late or Mark will have to do it (and that would just not be good!).
Truth is, I am really starting to freak out!!! My daily thoughts consist of-what was I thinking, what have I done, how am I going to handle this, I am already screwing up 2 boys so how can I do it to a third? Then those thoughts keep me up at night, which makes me tired, which makes me less patient with Connor and Colton, which makes the vicious thoughts even worse! Not to mention all the worries that are really kicking in about Baby C being healthy and safe.
WOW!! That was a vent!!


Donatelli98 said...

You will be amazing - I am sure of it!

starnes family said...

#3 for us was quite different than the previous 2. Possibly b/c she arrived so quickly after Jack did (16 months). Possibly b/c I felt like I really knew what to expect. Hopefully, you'll feel like that soon enough. Sounds like you have everything in order (besides the name, of course) and you just need to convince yourself of what you've accomplished. Hang in there.....you're going to be OK!